Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
