I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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