Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
