apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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