Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
