Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
