Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
