I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
