Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
