I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's like iHOP with fire
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
