Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
