Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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