You made me cry and you don't even care
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
