no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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