Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
