just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
