apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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