i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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