Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
