I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
