another moral hangover. fuck.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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