96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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