he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
