there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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