you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
