no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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