You're so nebulous sometimes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize