If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
