things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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