He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
