apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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