We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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