Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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