i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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