I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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