Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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