walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
