I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
