ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
