I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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