Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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