I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
