Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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