We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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