Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just cropdusted the office
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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