K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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