i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
