Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
