I just saw a hot homeless man
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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