I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
