Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize